I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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