Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
