You're my little dorito
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
