ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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