is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
