I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
