smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
