When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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