i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
