im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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