I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
