those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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