If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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