my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
