i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
3 2 1 whiskey
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
