He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize