if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
