Pappa wants mamma naked
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize