I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
