the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
