If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just found puke in my bra..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
