u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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