Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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