I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
