dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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