So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize