This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize