I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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