I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
