I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Too much gin, very little bucket
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
