when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
