ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
