please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
