i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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