Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
