You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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