When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
