I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
