whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
