it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Houston, we have a squirter
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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