also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
