Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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