he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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