um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
