Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
