and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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