I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
