We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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