i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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