I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize