It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
