Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
