he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
