Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
3 2 1 whiskey
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
