one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
