there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
