Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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