My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Randomize
