I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
