there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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