Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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