I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
this will be a night to untag.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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