Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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