Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
