Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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