Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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