You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize