he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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