Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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