Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
