Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
