they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
